


LIBRETTO 
of 


The Maid and the Middy 


“An Operetta in Two Acts 


By 
DAVID STEVENS 


Music by 
GEORGE LOWELL TRACY 





PRICE $1.00 


BOSTON 


¢C. C. BIRCHARD AND COMPANY 


D9ob' 8 





Copyright 1918 by 


C. C. BIRCHARD AND COMPANY 


International Copyright Secured 


NOTICE 


The copying, either of separate parts or the whole of this work by any 
process whatsoever, is forbidden by law and subject to the penalties pre- 
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THE STORY 


AG Lil 


HE occasion is the annual regatta of the Lakeville Boat Club, 

made unusually gay by the presence, as guests, of CAPTAIN 

DasHER of the U.S.S.‘‘Dreadnaught” and a number of his Mid- 
dies. Among the latter is BILLy, a, vivacious youth who very soon gets into 
the good graces of VALERIE VANE and seems to be in a fair way to become ® 
generally popular, when the appearance of the Count somewhat clouds 
his prospects. The Count disturbs Mrs. Gatty and Dawson, influ- 
ential members of the Club, by making charges against BiLiy involving 
what appears to be a case of abduction of a certain mysterious ANITa, 
evidently of Spanish origin. Circumstances prevent the Counr from 
immediately confronting Bitty, who, it must be confessed, lends some 
color to the accusation by studiously avoiding the Count. But -event- 
ually the latter arouses the suspicions of Evans and Fitz, two officials 
of the Club, who undertake to look into the matter. Meanwhile the 
regatta has taken place, and a general assembly of all the party to con- 
gratulate VALERIE, the unexpected winner of the race, affords at last 
an opportunity for the Count to denounce Bitty, which he is not slow 
to embrace. Bitty tries to defend himself and promises an explana- 
tion, but sentiment is against him and the scene closes with a display of 
bravado from Bitty and a feeling of distrust on the part of his new ac- 
quaintances, not to mention the downright sorrow freely expressed by 
VALERIE. 


ve | ACT II 


Ne Bitty’s affairs, however, are not permitted to disturb the plans 
that have been made for entertaining Caprain Dasuer and the other 
v> guests. A Vaudeville has been arranged for the evening and under the 
Bes direction of Evans, is carried through with success. Mean- 
while, VALERIE, who has apparently reflected on Briiuy’s predicament 
~ ead decided that the matter cannot be so serious as it has been rep- 
“. resented, shows a tendency to put more faith in him than the others do 
© and even goes so far as tc disguise herself as a Spanish senorita with 
": the idea of having some harmless amusement with Bitty. She deceives 
2 her friends by the disguise, but Bitty detects her at once and they come 
“to an understanding by which he is to be fully restored to favorif he 
©-will explain the mystery of Anita. This he promises to do and after 
various encounters with Mrs. Gaity, Dawson and others, all curious 
. Yto know his secret which, to tell the truth, he has somewhat maliciously 
Swithheld, he finally produces Anita, who immediately explains herself 
Sand i is turned over to the Count in order to insure cordial feeling by all 
concerned. Bi.ty is forgiven and all ends well, as usual. 


M 5384 


THE MAID AND THE MIDDY 


CHARACTERS 

BILLY The Middy; Attached to The ‘‘DREapNAUGHT.”’ 

DAWSON A Retired Farmer. 

THE COUNT A Spanish Gentleman. 

EVANS Master of Ceremonies; Lakeville Boat Club. 

FT TZ, Of the House Committee; Lakeville Boat Club. 

CAPTAIN DASHER In Command of The ““DREADNAUGHT.’’ 

BOUNDER Of the Lakeville Boat Club; Champion Oarsman. 
~-YOUNG SLIMSON Also of the L. B. C. ‘“The Great Unknown.”’ 

ATTENDANT OPlmBe | 

VALERIE VANE The Maid. 

MRS. GAILY An Attractive Widow. 

ALICE 

MAUD Friends of VALERIE. 

PHILLIS 

ANITA The Mysterious Cause of the Trouble. 


Maids; Middies; Young Men; Children of the Snow; 
Liberty Battalion, etc. 


SCENES 


: 
7. On hee B Grounds of the Lakeville Boat Club. 
ACT IL. Interior of the Club House. 


Time of Performance, one hour and a half. 


THE MAID AND THE MIDDY 
ACT al 


ScENE: Grounds of the Lakeville Boat Club. A wooded exterior, show- 
ing an entrance to a Club house at Right. 

At Rise oF CurTAIN, a group of Gurls are seen, headed by Auice, 
Maup and Puituts. During the opening chorus, Young Men enter 


as 1ndicated in the vocal score. 
No. 1. ENSEMBLE: Ofan Afternoon in the Month of June. 
(GirRLS AND Younc Men.) 


GIRLS. 


Of an afternoon 
In the month of June, 
*Tis agreeable to engage 
In aquatic sport 
At a club resort 
Under suitable patronage. 
For the atmosphere 
And surroundings here, 
Though properly orthodox, 
Give us just the chance 
Our charms to enhance 
With our very becomingest frocks. 


ALICE. 


But an afternoon 

In the month of June, 
No matter how fair it be, 

Is a wasted day 

When our frocks are gay 
If there’s nobody here to see! 


| (The Young Men enter.) 
MEN. 


"Tis a pleasure rare, 
As we all declare, 
Leaving ev’rydayjcares behind, 
In the sylvan grove, 
As we idly rove, 
Such agreeable girls to find. 


3 


This is just the place © 
For a beating race, 
~ And the sky above is blue; 
We’re on pleasure bent, 
So, with your consent, 
We will spend the day with you. 
(They join the girls.) 
ALL. 
Of an afternoon 
In the month of June, 
"Tis agreeable to engage 
In aquatic sport 
At a club resort 
Under suitable patronage. 
For the atmosphere 
And surroundings here, 
Though properly orthodox, 
Give us (you) just the chance 
Our (your) charms to enhance 
With our (your) very becomingest frocks. 


(A dance follows, at the conclusion of which the chorus 1s grouped at the 
centre for the purpose of concealing BoUNDER, who has entered unseen 
toward the close of the dance.) : 


Auice. What a beautiful day for the regatta! I wonder who is going 
to row? ) 


(The crowd separates, disclosing BouNpDER. He 1s attired in boating 
costume, jersey, etc., and should be made up to represent an exaggerated 
type of oarsman, enormous chest and biceps, the front of his jersey 
covered with medals.) 


Bounper. J am! (Sensation.) 


Autce. Of course, Mr. Bounder, we know you are going to row, and — 
ah — naturally, win. 


BounpER (taking a pose). 'That’s the idea! 
Maup. But who rows against you? 


BounDER (scornfully, taking another pose). I don’t know. What 
difference does that make? 


Puiturs. Of course; you’ll win anyway. 
BounpER (complacently). 'That’s the idea! 
Auice (to the others). Isn’t he great! 

4 


Omnes. Great! 

Bounver. That’s the idea! 

(He 1s delighted and takes a series of poses caluclated to display muscular 
development. The Girls crowd round him, while he preserves a haughty 


reserve. The Young Men, left to themselves, show signs of annoyance 
and group themselves up stage at R.) 


Autcr. They call your competitor “The Great THO 

BounpbER (loftily). Very likely. 

Mavup. And you’re not afraid? 

Bounpver. Afraid! Hah! 

Puituis. Isn’t he grand! 

Omnes. Grand! 

Bounver. That’s the i— 

(Furious barking of a dog is heard, off stage. All start.) 

Voice (of). Here! Stop that! Stop that! 

(The barking is renewed; YOUNG SLIMSON appears at entrance R., back- 
ing on to the stage. He has an oar in his hands with which he 1s 
apparently defending himself against attack of a dog off stage. Hes 
a thin young man, dressed 1n a boating costume designed to accentuate 
his thinness. He wears large horn-rimmed spectacles and 1s a com- 
plete contrast, physically,to BOUNDER. As he gets on to the scene the 
dog 1s heard GEN SLIMSON takes a tragic pose supported by the 
oar.) 

Stimson (despondently). The dogs bark at me! 


Autce. Why, it’s young Mr. Slimson. 

Stimson (posing). Otherwise known as “The Great Unknown!’ 
BounpEr. Hah! 

(The Young Men crowd round Summson and take him up stage at R. 
The Girls surround BounDER at L. Enter Firz followed by Evans.) 
Fitz (expostulating). Don’t hurry me so! 


Evans. You’ve got to hustle. Those naval officers are coming to 
lunch — 


Grrus (in unison). Naval officers! 
(They abruptly leave BOUNDER and surround Evans at L.) 


Younc Men. Lunch! 


(They leave Stimson and come down to Fitz at R. BouNnpER and SLIM- 
son deserted, stand posing at R. and L. AMA da very much SUT— 
prised.) 

5 


Evans. The Captain and Middies of the “Dreadnaught” are coming 
to lunch today. I invited them. 

‘Giris. How lovely! 

Fitz. And I’ve got to feed them! 

Grrts. Of course! 

BounDER (impressively from his position at L.) I hope it is under- 
stood that I am champion sculler of the Lakeville Boat Club. 

(The girls glance indifferently in his direction, then turn to Evans). 

Autce. How many officers did you say? 

SLIMSON (Zrying to attract attention). And I am “The Great Unknown.” 

MEN (disregarding Suimson). What was that you said about lunch? 


(The Girls and Men crowd round Evans and Fitz, one group at each side 
of stage, leaving the centre clear. BouNDER and SLIMSON start as 
though insulted, look at each other and then advance down the stage 
at centre.) 

BounpDER (to Suimson). They’ve shaken us! 


Stimson. We’re shook! 

Bounper. Shake! 

(They clasp hands and exeunt, arm in arm. The others watch their de- 
parture with amusement.) 

Auce (imitating BouNDER). That’s the idea! 

(All laugh.) 

Evans. It’s a great day! Besides the naval’ men, there’ll be Mr. 
Dawson— 

Maup. The rich farmer! 


Evans. And Valerie Vane. 
Maup. The rich heiress! 


Firz. And Mrs. Gaily! 

Girts. Oh! Yes! 

Fritz (with emotion). The charming widow! 

Omness (all shaking fingers at him). Ah, Fitzie! 

(He affects confusion. The report of a cannon 1s heard.) 

Evans (excited). The Captain is coming! That’s his salute. 
AutceE. One gun? I thought a Captain was entitled to a Jot of guns. 
Evans. He is; but we’ve got only one. 


(Introduction to next song begins, during which the Mippiks enter, fol- 
lowed by DasHER.) 


6 


No. 2. SONG AND CHORUS: A Gay Sea Dog. 
(DasHER AND CHORUS.) 


DASHER. 


I’m a sailor free 
As ycu plainly see, 
And I plough the raging main; 
I am bluff and gruff 
' And inclined to be rough, 
And perhaps I give you pain. 
But I’m harmless, quite, 
For my heart is right, 
And I never would hurt a fly, 
But when [I’m on land, 
I’m in great demand, 
Observe and, I’ll tell you why: 


Refrain 
DasHER. 
I’m a gay sea dog! 
CHORUS. 
He’s a gay sea dog! 
DasHER. 


Wherever I go I raise a breeze, 
Whatever I do, I’m sure to please; 
I’m a gay sea dog! 


CHORUs. 
He’s a gay sea dog! 
DasHER. 


And when he’s ashore, 
They all adore 


A sailor! 
CHORUS. 
He’s a gay sea dog! 
DasHER. 


I’m a gay sea dog! 
CHORUS. 


Wherever he goes, he’ll raise a breeze, 
Whatever he does, he’s sure to please; 
He’s a gay sea dog! 


7 


DASHER. 
Such a gay sea dog! 
CHORUS. 


When he’s ashore 
We all adore 
A sailor! 


Lie 
DasHER. 


On the foreign shore 
Where I’ve been before, 
There’s a welcome waits for me; 
For whate’er the name, 
They are ever the same 
To the lads that sail the sea. 
Tho’ I may be bluff, 
And my manner gruff, 
I can never be caught asleep, 
I’m down in the log 
As a gay sea dog, 
And the title I mean to keep! 


(The refrain is repeated as before, followed by a dance. DasHER is a 
languid gentleman, in notable contrast to the character he ascribes to 
himself in his song, and as soon as the dance is over he assumes a bored 
demeanor.) 


Evans. Delighted to see you, Captain. 
(The Middies pair off with the Girls, who leave the Young Men without 


ceremony in favor of the uniform.) 


DasHer. Aw—thanks. (He looks about as though 1n search of someone.) 
I understood—aw—that Miss Vane was to be here. 


ALICE (coming forward). She’ll be here presently. Meanwhile, can’t 
we amuse you! We know lots of games. 


DasHER (languidly). Aw—thanks; I don’t play games. 


Fitz. We’ve arranged a boat-race for you, Captain; and a vaudeville 
for this evening. 


DasHerR. Aw—capital. (To Attics.) Shall we—aw—stroll? 
(He and Auitce move up stage together.) 

Fitz (anxiously, looking at his watch). Mrs. Gaily hasn’t come yeu 
Maup. She’s driving over in her car. . 

Auto horn (of). Toot! Toot! 

Maup. That’s Mrs. Gaily! 

Auto horn (off). Toot! Toot! 


Mrs. Gatty (off). All right, James. Put up the car and get your 
lunch. 


Auto horn (off). Toot! Toot! 


(Mrs. Gaity enters very breezily. She is a vivacious lady, youthful, with 
a smile and pleasant word for everybody, and talks easily.) 


Mrs. Gatty (to Evans). Howdy, Commodore! Came over in seven 
minutes. (Sees DasHEer.) Dearme, Captain Dasuer! (She shakes 
her finger at him.). Naughty man! To leave me at the garden 
party yesterday—stuck with Mr. Fitz— (She sees Frrz for the first 
time)— Ah, Mr. Firz! I didn’t see you. I was just saying how 
struck | was with you at the garden party. (Fans herself.) Dear 
me! Isn’t it warm! 


DasHER. Aw—seasonable—seasonable. 


Mrs. Gaity. Exactly; seasonable. And the nicest season of all— 
summer, what? 


DasHER. Well, I don’t know— 


Mrs. Gaity. Oh, yes you do. Summer—beautiful summer! I wish 
it were summer the whole year round! 


DasHER. But why? 


Mrs. Gaity (confidentially). Well, to tell the honest truth, Captain, 
I can’t do a thing with my hair in the winter! 


No. 3. SONG: Summer. 


(Mrs. GaiLy AND CHORUS.) 


Mrs. GaILy. 


There are seasons four that make the total of the year, 

And ev’ry season seems the best of seasons while it’s here; 

The poets sing of springtime and of winter and of fall, 

But the sweetest songs are those about the summer, best of all! 


Refrain. 
Mrs. GaILy. 
Life is fair in the May-time 
And lovely is the June; 
And that is true 
Of the autumn, too, 
When shines the harvest-moon. 
Old winter is a play-time, 
With sleigh-bell’s merry din, 
But hearts are light 
When summer bright 
Comes gaily tripping in! 
(The Chorus repeat refrain.) 


9 


Il. 
Mrs. Galty. 


April show’rs are very nice, but also very wet; 

The autumn chestnut in its burr, is difficult to get; 

A sleigh-ride, when it’s ten below, is rather doubtful bliss, 
But what could be completer than a summer day like this? 


(The refrain is repeated by Mrs. Gatty and chorus and all exeunt. Then 
follows the “Dance of the Summer Hours,” at the conclusion of which 
the dancers exeunt. Laughter and chattering are heard and the girls 
re-enter, escorting VALERIE. The latter 1s in boating-costume, sailor 
collar, etc.) 

VALERIE. Am I late? 

Avice. Not too late—the Middies are still here. 

VALERIE. The Middies? 

Maup. Middies—in uniform—lovely! 

VALERIE. A uniform has no charms for me. 

Mavup. But you haven’t seen these uniforms. 

Puituis. There’s a Captain, too. 


VateriE. Oh, I know him. (Imitates DasuEer.) Aw—really—yes, 
indeed. Where are these Middies? | | 


Autce. They’re looking for Billy. 

VALERIE. Whois Billy? 

Auice. He’s one of the Middies—and he’s lost. 

VaLEriE. Lost! Dear me, I didn’t suppose you could lose a Middie. 
Maup. We didn’t lose him—they lost him. | 
Vaterte. Well, let them find him, then; J’m not going to. 

ALIcE (pointing off). See! They’re starting the races! 

ALL THE Giris. <A race! A race! 


(They all run off just as Bitty comes on from the opposite side. Bry 
is a Middy with a good deal of assurance and good-nature.) 


Bitty (looking after the girls). Girls! And they’re running away from 
me. Everybody told me that when I got ashore the girls would run 
after me. } 


(VALERIE re-enters, apparently looking for something on the ground. She 
pretends not to be aware of Bi..y.) 


VALERIE. I must have dropped it here. 


IO 


Bitty. Excuse me. Lost something? 

VALERIE (starting as though surprised). Oh, I didn’t see you. 

Bitty. I saw you—running away. My name is Billy. 

Vaueriz. Then you’re The Lost Middy! And I found you, after all. 


Bitty. Well, now you’ve found me, what are you going to do about it? 
Advertise? 


VaLERiE. Not a bad idea. ‘‘Found: one Middy; medium height— 


er’ 


Bitty (promptly). ‘Very handsome and valuable?” 

VALERIE. Wait a mement. Who’s doing this advertising? 

Bitty. I want to have it right. 

VaLeERIE. “‘Plain—but—er—healthy. Answers to the name of Billy.” 

Bitty. Bow-wow! I’ll tell you what! 

VALERIE. Well, what? 

Bitty. Just add: ‘Finder would like to keep.” 

VateRiE. No, indeed! I’ll say: “If not claimed in five minutes, 
finder will lose him again!” 

Bitty. Five minutes are better than nothing—when I have only a 
half a day ashore. 

VALERIE. Only half a day? 

Bitty. That’s all; then off to sea again. 


VALERIE. Do you have to go to sea? 


Bitty. Of course; otherwise I’d never get a half a day ashcre. 


No. 4. DuertT: Blow, Winds, Blow ! 


(VALERIE AND BILLy.) 


BILLY. 


Oh, they sing of a life at sea, 
With the salt wind blowing free, 
And the waters blue 
And a lively crew, 
But that’s very old to me. 
The winds and the waves that roar 
Would be such a tiresome bore, 
If they didn’t let 
Us Middies get 
An occasional day ashore. 


Il 


Refrain. 
Birra 
Blow, winds, blow, 
As you never have blown before, 
And blow us straight 
To the maids that wait 
For the Middies to come ashore! 


Boru. 


Blow, winds, blow, 

As you never have blown before, 
And blow us (them) straight 
To the maids that wait 

For the Middies- to come ashore! 


VALERIE. 


Oh, it certainly seems to me 
Although you are long at sea, 

That you understand, 

When you strike the land, 
That a one and a two make three. 
The sea is a tiresome bore, 

A fact that we all deplore, 

But the truth is flat; 

If it weren’t for that, 
You always would be ashore! 


(They repeat the refrain as before. A dance and exeunt. 
Enter Dawson, mopping his forehead with a bandanna handkerchief.) 


Dawson. Ginger! but it’s hot! (Surveys the place.) Lakeville Boat 
Club. Pretty high-toned for a farmer; but since I got rich, I’m 
a gentleman farmer, so that’s all right. 


(Voices are heard, off, in altercation, then enter Count GRANADOS, fol- 
lowed by CLuB ATTENDANT, expostulating.) 


(The Count ts an excitable gentleman, dressed in a foreign fashion, with 
a tall hat.) 


Count. But yes, I tell you! I have ze invite—I have him— (feels 
in his pockets)—in a plaze—I know not! 


ATTENDANT. Orders not to admit anybody without a card. 


Count (appealing to Dawson). Ah, senor! You witness deze out-r-r- 
tage! I, Count Granados, Spanish nobleman, have ze invite to deze 
boatriss, an’ deze man say I cannot enter! What you say? What? 


(He utters the last word very explosively and DAWSON jumps.) 


12 


Dawson. Hold your horses! I haven’t said anything yet. 
Count. Why do you not, then? Whydoyou not? What? 
(Same business.) 


Dawson. Look here, you mustn’t do that. (He imitates the Count’s 
manner.) WHAT! (Count jumps.) . Well, how do you like it? 


Count. But deze man r-r-r-refuse me entrance! 


Dawson. Well, I don’t blame him; but I guess it’s all right, sonny. 
(Speaking to ATTENDANT.) I'll take care of the gentleman. 


ATTENDANT (touching his cap). Very good sir. (£xit.) 
Count. Ah, senor! You save my life! 
Dawson. That’s good. I didn’t get your name. 


Count (with immense manner). Count Fernandez y Granados y Fu- 
meroso, Grandee of Spain! 


Dawson. That sounds like a perfectly good name; what does it mean? 
Count. I search for a young middie they call Billee. 
Dawson. Friend of yours? 


Count. Fr-r-riend! Not so! An enemy! Very dangerous! He 
have my beautiful Anita! 


Dawson. Who’s your beautiful Anita? 

Count. She is not yet mine, but I am resolve to have her! I follow 
Billee from Spain. He shall give her up! You will help me find her! 

Dawson. Well, no; I haven’t lost her. But I wish you luck. Better 
try the Club house. 


Count. Ah, senor, gr-r-r-razia! gr-r-r-razia! (He removes his hat 
with a flourish and a card falls out. The Count seizes it with delight.) 
Ah-h-h-h! ze card! (He waves it in the air dramatically.) Ze invite! 
I go to find ze Billee! I will cr-r-r-rush heem! (He runs off.) 


Dawson. Nice pleasant chap. 


(Girls voices are heard off stage. Enter Atice, Maup and Pui.uis with 
the MippiEs.) 


Autce. Oh, Mr. Dawson! Just in time for the last race. Mr. Bounder 
and the “Great Unknown.” 


Dawson. How-de-do, ladies! Hope I see you well. 
Maup. How nice of you to come. 
Dawson. I have to get off the farm once in a while. 


Puituis. And how is the farm? 


13 


Dawson. Fine! I’ve got a great garden this year. 
Autce. Splendid! 


Dawson. Yes, indeed. I’ve got beets that can’t be beat and onions 
that would make you cry like a child. 


(The others all laugh to humor him.) 
Autce. Isn’t he funny! 


Dawson. And I’ve had my celery raised! (Chuckles.) Pretty good 
for a farmer. Had my celery raised! 


Maup. Isn’t he funny! 


(All Laugh.) ; 
Dawson. Pretty good. I just thought of ‘that, right off the bat. 
Auice. Were you always a farmer, Mr. Dawson? 


Dawson. Yes, oh-h-h, yes. Ever since I was born. But farming 
ain’t what it used to be. 


No. 5. SoncG: Too-ral-loo-ral! 


(Dawson anv Cuorus.) 
Dawson. 


When I was a bright young lad so tall, 

I worked from spring to the early fall, 

And then, to make it an even thing, 

I worked from fall to the early spring. 

In summer time I raked the hay, 

In winter stacked the wood away; 

In the spring I’d plough, in the fall I’d reap, 
And once in a while I’d get some sleep! 


Refrain. 
Dawson. 


Sing Too-ral-loo-ral-loo-ral-loo! 
Sing hay! for the son of the soil; 
But I made it pay 
When I traded hay 
For stock in the Standard Oil! 


(CHOoRUS.) 


Sing Too-ral-loo-ral-loo-ral-loo! 
Sing hay! for the son of the soil: 
For he made it pay 
When he traded hay’ 
For stock in the Standard Oil! 


14 


NE 


Dawson. 


But that was a farm of the good old style, 
And now they’ve got it beat a mile; 
They do the work with gasoline, 
And the help ride round in a limousine. 
The farmer never borrows now, 
In fact, he has forgotten how; 
He just sits up on a golden throne 

\ And puts his cash in a Liberty Loan! 


Refrain. 
Dawson. 


Sing Too-ral-loo-ral-loo-ral-loo! 
His farm he can call his own; 
And he’s quite content 
With the four per cent 
He gets on the Liberty Loan! 


(Chorus repeat refrain, as before. Dance and exeunt. As the stage 
clears, Mrs. Gatty and the Count enter.) 


Mrs. Gaity. Ah, Count, anyone could tell you were a nobleman by 
your manner. You have the air. 


Count. ‘True, senora, I take ze air. (Waves his hand.) Most fine air. 
I would like also to take ze—ah—loonch. 


Mrs. Gaity. Directly, Count, we’ll have the loonch—I mean lunch. 
How do you like America? 


~ Count. America! Ah, beautitul! 


Mrs. Gatity. If you stay as long as a week, you'll write a book about 
us, I suppose? | 


Count. Posseebly; but first I must find ze Billee! 

Mrs. Gaity. Billee? 

Count. Ze Middee! Ze villain! 

Mrs. Garty. Villain? What has he done? 

Count. He r-r-r-rob me! 

Mrs. Gaity. Robbed you? How dreadful! Did he take your purse? 
Count. My purse—no, no! My Anita! 

Mrs. Gaity. Your Anita! That sounds perfectly awful! 


Count. It zs pairfectly awful. My Anita! And she was just begin- 
ning to talk! 


Mrs. Gaity. Then Anita is very young? 
15 


Count. Young? Oh, no. They live to a g-r-r-eat age, you know. 
Feefty—a hundred—I don’t know. 


Mrs. Garry. Fifty! A hundred! Bless me! She must be remark- 
able. 


Count. Remairkable! Ah! And such colors! Green—red—yel- 
low! Lovely! 

Mrs. Gartty. My dear Count, let’s talk about something else. I’m 
afraid I do not quite get the Spanish point of view of loveliness. 


Count. Veree good. We will search for Billee. 


Mrs. GalLy (going with him toward exit). And incidentally—some 
lunch. 


Count (at exit). Ah, yes; ze loonch—ze loonch! 


(They exeunt and the music begins for the next number. Enter Octet o 
Maps and Mippigs.) : 


No. 6. OcTEeT: A Wayside Meeting. 


(Maips anp MipptEs.) 
MruppiEs. 
The afternoon is very fine, 
The scene is most inviting; 
Maips. 
You’re really very good to say so, 
We’re glad you like our little water view; 
MuppiEs. 


We find it irresistible, 
With other charms uniting. 


{They bow politely.) 
Maips. 
What shal] we do to entertain you? 
For we suppose we are expected to. 
MuIppIEs. 
Perhaps you’re fond of dancing? 
That would suit us all—our time is free; 
Maips. 


Your plan is quite entrancing, 
So say the word what shall it be? 


16 


Refrain. 
ALL. 


Oh, be it waltz or rigadoon, 
Or minuet or polka, 
Just let them play a pretty tune, 
And we will do the rest! 


(They dance and exeunt. Enter Evans, Fitz and Count.) 


Evans (to Count). Look here, sir, what is all this about Billy? You 
talk as though he were a criminal. 


Firz. Yes, we want to understand. The Middies are our guests, you 
know, and if one of them has done anything wrong— 

Count. Wrong! Wrong! What you think? Billee have rob me 
of my Anita! 

Evans. That ¢ertainly sounds serious. 

Firz. When did this happen? 

Count. Billee he sail on hees ship to Spain—he see Anita—hear her 


talk—I almost have her—and Billee he come and—a-a-a-a-h! he 
take her away! 


Evans. Well, well! 

Fitz. Well, well! 

Count. Well, well! What you mean? It is not well! 
Evans. I suppose we'll have to help the Count catch Billy. 
Firz. He seems pretty hard to catch. 


Fitz. He can’t escape us here. We'll go in different directions— 
stealthily—(business of stealing about, mysteriously)—silently—then 
we will gradually come together—(they approach each other)—get 
him in a corner and—nab him! (Pantomime of seizing a prisoner.) 


No. 7. TR10:. Looking for a Criminal. 
Evans, Fitz anp Count.) 


EVANS. 
If this lad has done a thing he’d better not, 
Fitz. 
It is clear that he is due to get it hot, 
Count. 
For before he leaves the town, 
We'll proceed to run him down, 


17 


EVANS AND Fitz. 
And incarcerate the villain on the spot! 


EVANS. 
If we chance to be mistaken in the game 


Bir 
Then of course the crazy Spaniard is to blame; 


Count. 
It will be a bitter blow 
If we have to let him go, 
ALL. 


But we'll fine him twenty dollars just the same! 


ATi 


We’re looking for a criminal, 
No matter what the crime, 
When we seize him thus: 
He must come along with us, 
And he’ll soon be doing time. 


vk 
Evans. 


If our right to run him in he should deny, 


tz 
And should struggle, we will hit him in the eye; 


Count. 


But suppose when we attack, 
He should turn and hit us back? 


EVANS AND Fitz. 
On the courage of a Spaniard we rely. 


EVANS. 
We will very soon be hot upon his trail, 


Birz 
And tonight we’ll have him in the County jail, 


Count. 


We will lock him good and tight, 
Keep him safely over night, 


ALL. 


In the morning we will make him furnish bail. 


18 


(Refrain as before; mysterious dance and exeunt. 


As the stage clears, Bituy enters, looking cautiously about; at the same 
moment Dawson enters from the opposite side.) 


Dawson. Oh, I say, you’re Billy, aren’t you? 
Bitty (giving a sailor hitch). Right-o, my hearty! 


Dawson (sailor hitch, imitating Bitty). Same to you and many of 
them. There’s a foreign Count looking for you. 


Bitty. Yes, I gathered that. 
Dawson. He wants Anita. 


Bitty. Oh, he does. Well, he won’t get her. He hasn’t got money 
enough. 


Dawson (aghast). Money enough! Do you mean to tell me— 
Britty. I don’t mean to tell you anything; it’s none of your business. 
Dawson. I know it isn’t; that’s why I’m so interested. 

(Voice of Count heard off.) 

Count (off). Billee! I want that Billee! 

Bitty. Here he comes again; I’m off! 

(BILxy exits hastily, as the Count enters from the opposite side.) 
Count (excited). Where is Billee? 

Dawson. He went that way. Look here, who is this Anita? 
Count. Don’t stop me! Don’t stop me! 


(Count rushes off after Bruty.) 
Dawson. That man makes more noise than a silent partner. 


(Enter Auice, Maup and PHILtts.) 

Autce. They’ve started the last race. Come on, girls, we’re late! 
Maup. ‘They say there’s been a new entry at the last minute. 
Puitus. Who? 

Maup. Nobody knows. (Points off.) Look! They’re almost in! 
Autce. Come on! Hurray! 


(AuiceE, Maup and Puituts scamper off; Bitty runs on.) 


Bitty. I can’t find Valerie. I must see her before that crazy Spaniard 
tells her anything. (Zo Dawson.) Where’s Valerie? 


19 


Dawson. MHaven’t seen her for half an hour. Where’s the Count? 
Bitty. He’s running all over the place like a jack-rabbit. 

(Enter DasHER and Mrs. Galty.) 

Mrs. Gatty. Are we late for the race? 

(Loud shouting off stage.) 

Dawson. It’s just over. 

Mrs. Gatty. I wonder who won. 

(Noise of approaching party. Dawson, Mrs. Gaity and DasHER go 


up stage and look off in the direction of the voices. Enter Matps 
supporting BouUNDER, who 15s hardly able to walk. They take him up 


L. and he collapses. The Younc Men and Mipptes enter leading 
Younc Sumson, in a weak condition. They leave himatR. Atice, 


Maup and PHILLIS enter, in excitement.) 


Mrs. Gaity (indicating BoUNDER and Stimson). Which is the winner? 


Auice. Neither. 

(BounDER and SLIMSON groan.) 
Bitty. Then where is the winner? 
(VALERIE enters carrying an oar.) 


VALERIE. Here! 
Aut. Valerie! 


VateRiE. Valerie! (Jo Bitty.) You see I’m something of a sailor, 


myself. 


No. 8. Row, Little Girls. 


(VALERIE AND CHORUS.) 


VALERIE. 


The boys won’t have it all their way, 
As they’ve been used to do; 
The day will come when little girls 
Will row in the races too. 
And when, with nice new cockle-shells, 
All made on the latest plan, 
We take our place 
In the annual race, 
Then beat us if you can! 


20 


VALERIE. 


When bang! goes the signal, 
It’s row, little girls, then row! 
The race is fast, 
But we won’t be last, 
It’s row, little girls, then row! 
CHORUS. 


When bang! goes the signal, 
It’s row, little girls, then row, 
The race is fast, 
But we (they) won’t be last, 
It’s row, little girls, then row! 
VALERIE. 


We'll all have scrumptious rowing suits 
In the very latest style; 
And what we'll wear for boating-hats 
Will hold you for a while. 
And tho’ the boys may lead us for 
A hundred yards or so, 
We'll win the heat, 
For we'll look so sweet, 
They’ll all forget to row! 


(Refrain as before and Dance. 


At conclusion, Count enters, breathless and seizes Biuy.) 
Count. At last! Tr-r-r-r-aitor! I have you! (All start in astonish- 
ment.) Where is my Anita? 
Omnes. Anita! 
VALERIE (reproachfully to Bitty). Anita! Oh, Billy, how could you! 
(She goes to Mrs. Gaity and weeps on her shoulder.) 
Count. Yes, yes! My Anita! (Points to Bitty.) Ask heem! 
DasHER (sternly to Bitty). What have you to say, sir? 
BILLy. Oh, nonsense! I will explain— 
Mrs. Gatty. Monster! Behold your work! 
VALERIE (with a show of weeping on Mrs. Garty’s shoulder). Oh! Oh! 
Count. Ah, ha! Shall I have my Anita now? My be-you-tee-ful 
Anita? 
No. 9. FINaLe: “J Said I Would Explain.” 
BIGLy. 
I said I would explain— 


21 


Mrs. GalLy. 
Don’t tell us that again, 

This tender heart you’ve broken quite! 

VALERIE. 
(on Mrs. Gatty’s shoulder). Boo-hoo! 
BI.ty. 
But I can set it straight— 

Mrs. Gal_y. 

This maiden desolate, ‘ 

I wonder you can bear the sight! : 


VALERIE. 
Boo-hoo! 


CHORUS. 


Her tender heart you’ve broken quite, 
Boo-hco! 

We wonder you can bear the sight, 
Boo-hoo! 


BIL.y. 
Just to listen for a moment I entreat her 


CHORUS. 
Oh, for shame! Go talk to-your Anita! 


Brty. 
Oh, hang Anita! 


GIRLS. 
Oh! 


BI.ty. 
Yes, hang Anita! 


CHORUS. ad 
Oh! * 
Count. 


Now will you give her up to me? 
Bit.y to Count. 
P’ll make you smart for this, you’ll see! 


GIRLS. 


We don’t know this Anita, 
But we’d rather like to meet her. 


22 


Men. 


We don’t know this Anita, 
But we’d rather like to meet her. 


DIDEY. 
Now, I will here declare, if any of you doubt it, 
She’s mine! And that is all there is about it! 
(He proceeds very gaily.) 
Oh, Anita, 
When you meet her, 

You will say there was ne’er a completer 
Senorita 
Than Anita, 

From the spicy Spanish Main! 


CHORUS. 


Oh, Anita, 
When we meet her, 
We will say there was ne’er a completer 
Senorita 
Than Anita, 
From the spicy Spanish Main! 


Cuorus. (Girls only.) 
Oh, my! Oh, fie! 
Won’t you please tell us the reason why 
You have deceived us and made us cry? 


(The Girls pretend to cry.) 
aut Es 


We are annoyed, so away with you, 
We would prefer not to play with you, 
Or the gay Senorita 
You call your Anita 
From the spicy Spanish Main! 


(Bitty is plainly sent to Coventry; the Count triumphant. VALERIE 
still weeps on Mrs. Gatity’s shoulder. DasHER 15 very stern and 


Dawson looks on with amusement, together with Atice, Maup and 
PHILLIs.) 


COL Reb Asin 


Env oF Act I 


aS 


THE MAID AND THE MIDDY 
ACT II 


Scene: Interior of Lakeville Club House. Usual assembly room of a 
surburban club. Wide entrance at C. 


Ar Rise or Curtatn, the Chorus of Matps, Mippies and Younc 
MEN are gathered round the piano, played by one of their number, sing- 
ing as young people do on such occasions. 

1 


No. 10. ENSEMBLE: “Now the Day is Over.” 


CHORUS. 


Now the day is over and the evening comes apace; : , 
We are going to celebrate the winning of the race. 

Bright the lights are shining, brighter still is ev’ry eye, 

Ev’rything is lovely and the goose hangs high! 


We have roamed the meadows over, on the lawn we’ve revelled free, 
We have taken our siesta in the shadow of the tree; 

And we all have had our dinners and are ready for the play, 

Bring along the fancy dancing, we are feeling very gay! 


(The singers have left the piano and come down stage in orderly groups.) 


Oh, this is an evening to dance and sing, 
Laugh and make the echoes ring, 
A suitable occasion for a little jubilee; 
For summer is the time to pay, 
And here we drive the blues away, 
A glorious institution is the L. B. C.! 


(They dance and at the conclusion, Fitz enters, very busy, followed by 
Auice, Maun, Putiuuis, Stimson and BounvDeER.) 


Fitz. Now, then, ladies and gentlemen, it’s nearly time for the vaude- ~ 


ville. Please save your voices for that. + 
Auice. Oh, Fitzie, what’s going to happen? . 
A 

Fitz. Happen? Who knows what’s going to happen at an amateur 


vaudeville show? 


Stimson. If I’d known there was going to be music, I’d have brought 
the uke. 


Fitz. The what? 
Stimson. The uke; my ukelele. 
Bounper. And I could have played ‘Good Night, Beloved” on the 


occarina. 


24 


Fitz (throwing up his hands). Good night! An “ok” and a “uke!” 
I’m sorry, boys, but this is going to be an entertainment. 


(Stimson and BounpDER exchange indignant glances and walk up the stage 
together in offended dignity.) 


Maup (bringing Auice and Puiuuis down stage). Oh, Fitzie, we’ve got 
a splendid sketch! We made it up ourselves. 


Fitz. It’s going to be good; I can see that. Is it funny? 

Maup. Funny! I should say so! Isn’t it, girls? 

Auice. “Funny” isn’t the word for it. 

Pai! mm sure it isn’t. 

Puruuts. It begins in a dungeon underneath a Spanish Castle— 
Auice. All three of us have been there for years and we are starving— 


Maup. And then I say: “Oh, girls, let us brighten our lives while we 
may. We have no food or drink, so we will dance and be gay,” 
or something like that, you know. 


Autce. Then we do a perfectly killing song and dance. We made up 
the words ourselves. 


Firz. That sounds great. What’s the tune? 
Maup. Oh, something snappy—like ‘‘Rocked in the Cradle of the 


Deep,” because we’re down deep, you see,—in the dungeon. 

Puitus. We've got the sweetest costumes for it! Georgette crepe 

~ over blue— 

AuiceE (annoyed). No, Phillis, I told you I would not wear blue. 

Puituts (crossly). Well, I’m going to wear pink— 

Firz. Ladies! ladies!’ Never mind, we can’t give the sketch this even- 
ing. 

Maup (indignant). I’d like to know why not! 

Firz.. Well, for one thing: we haven’t any dungeon— 

Maup. That’s nothing! We could make one. But I can see you 
don’t want anything classy at your old entertainment. Come on, 
girls,— 

(They walk off together; at exit they speak in unison.) 

Auice, Maup and Puituts. Isn’t he horrid! 

(They exeunt.) 

25 


Fitz. Now, girls and boys, run along; we’re going to use this room for 
the stage. 


(Firz exits and the Chorus go off singing.) 


EXT: 
Oh, this is an evening to dance and sing, 
Laugh and make the echoes ring, etc. 
(As the stage clears, Mrs. Gatty and the Count enter.) 


Mrs. Gaity. It was very brave of you, Count, to expose that young H 
wretch, Billy, just in time. 


Count. Ha! I am a br-r-rave man! 

Mrs. Gaity. But now tell me—who 7s Anita? 

Count.. Anita! She is a beautiful creature! She come from ze 
Spanish Isle, and she spik—ah! she have ze gr-r-r-rand language! 

Mrs. Gatty. Great talker, is she? 

Count. Talk! She do nossing else! Such languague! Ah! 

(He throws up his hands in a gesture of admiration.) 

Mrs. Gaity. And why are you so much interested in her? 

Count. Why not? She is mine—I have—buy her! 

Mrs. Gatty (horrified). Bought her! Monster! 


Count. I pay ze ancient mariner many dollars for Anita, (Mrs. 
GatiLy shudders) and ze Billee, he come along and also pay many 
dollars—and he get her before I do. Look? I mean—see? Billee 
is a villain! 


Mrs. Gaity. You are both villains! Leave me! 
Count (expostulating). But—but—but— 


Mrs. Gaity. I cannot endure you another minute. It is very painful 
to learn that Spanish noblemen are in the habit of buying and sell- 
ing their fellow-creatures? Leave me! 


Count (puzzled). ‘Fellow-creatures!” What does ze lady mean? 


(Mrs. Gary points dramatically toward exit, R.) Very good, I 
leave you.. (He goes to the exit, stops and taps his head.) Ah, ze 
Americanos! 


(He taps his head again, nods and exits. Mrs. Gatty stands with her 
arm outstretched. DasHErR enters L. and 1s much interested to see what 
Mrs. Gality is pointing at, shading his eyes, mariner fashion, and 
gazing off to R. Mrs. Gatry does not see him until he speaks.) 


26 


DasHerR. Beg pardon, but I don’t see a thing. 


Mrs. Gaity (letting her arm drop suddenly). Oh, it’s you, Captain. 
(She laughs.) Don’t mind me; I was rehearsing. 


DasHer. Capital! Very dramatic! 


Mrs. Gatty. Thank you. You know we are having an entertainment 
this evening. 
DasHer. Very kind of you. 


Mrs. Garry. And an impromptu fancy-dress party. Mr. Dawson 
sent to town this afternoon for the costumes. I hope they have 
come. 

(Dawson appears atthe door, C.,unperceived by the others. He 1s dressed 

in a very queer Scotch kilt costume and presents a ridiculous appear- 
ance of which he is obviously conscious. Mrs. Gaity continues speak- 
ing to DasHER without seeing Dawson.) 
Isn’t Mr. Dawson sweet! 

(As she speaks, she and DasHER turn to go up stage and see Dawson who 
stands at C., looking very foolish.) 


Mrs. Garty (continuing). Oh, Mr. Dawson! The costumes have 
come. We were afraid they wouldn’t. 


Dawson (coming down, very ill at ease). I wish they hadn’t! (He looks 
at his costume with disgust.) You made me do this. 


Mrs. Gaity. I just love fancy dress. 

Dawson. Well, this is fancy, all right. 

Mrs. Gaity. You look lovely! Doesn’t he, Captain? 
DasHEr (laughing boisterously). Haw, haw, haw, haw! 


Dawson (annoyed). Lookhere! I may be funny, but I’m not so funny 
as that. 

Mrs. Gaity (going with Dasuer to the exit, R.) Never mind, Mr. 
Dawson. We'll get Captain Dasher into a fancy costume—fancier 
than yours. | 


(She and Dasuer laugh and exeunt, R.) 


Dawson (in disgust). ‘‘Fancier than mine!’ There isn’t anything 
fancier than mine! 
(He exits at L., Auice, Maun and Pui.uis enter at C., followed by Mains, 
all excited.) 
27 


Auice. Did you see that Spanish girl on the veranda? 
Maup. Yes, but I couldn’t see her face. Who is she? 
Puitus. Sh-h-h-h! I think it’s—sh-h-h-h!—Anita! 
Omnes. Anita! | 


(Entrance music for VALERIE; Cuorus separate, R. and L., leaving C. 
door clear. VALERIE enters in Spanish costume, with mantilla con- 
cealing her face. She is very mysterious.) » 


VALERIE (her face concealed). Ah-h-h? (Looks about.) Ah-h-h? (The 
Mats draw back as though afraid.) So-o-o! You are afraid of me! 
(She clicks castanets which she holds in her left hand.) Pouf! I blow 
you away! (Music continues pp.) I come from Andalusia, land of 
r-r-revenge! Where is she—she' you call Valerie? (She draws a 
stiletto from her belt.) I have—something for her! 


ALIceE (terrified). We don’t know where Valerie is—do we, girls? 
Omnes. No, indeed! 

VaLERiE. Well, then—ZI do! 

Omnes. Where? 


VALERIE (throwing back her mantilla). Right here! (She laughs.) 
Pretty good Spaniard, eh, girls? 


Maup (relieved). A pretty bad Spaniard. We thought you were 
Anita. 


VatERIE. No, [’m Juan-ita, (Wan-eeta) lonely Juanita, waiting for 
the faithless lover. Listen. % 


No. 11. SONG: When the Manzanita Blooms Again. 


(VALERIE AND CHORUS.) 
VALERIE. 


Down the western slope of Shasta, 
In the Vale of Never-Fear, 
There the dark, sad-eyed Juanita 
Dreams away the silent year. 
When her roving lover left her, 
Soft she sighed: ‘Ah, come to me 
When the blossoms next are showing 
On the Manzanita tree.” 


28 


Refrain. 
VALERIE (with humming Chorus.) 


“Though each hour is like a day in passing, 
And the days go slowly, one by one, 

Still my patient heart will fondly number 
Ev’ry setting of the laggard sun. 

I will count the moons that rise o’er Shasta, 
I will watch them as they slowly wane; 

In the valley you will find me waiting 
When the Manzanita blooms again.”’ 


VALERIE. 


Down the western slope of Shasta 
Many golden suns have set; 
In the valley old Juanita 
Waits her wand’ring lover yet. 
And she whispers ev’ry nightfall: 
“He will surely come to me 
When the blossoms next are showing 
On the Manzanita tree.” 


(Refrain as before and all exeunt; Dawson enters from opposite side.) 


Dawson. Ever since I put on this costume I have had a yearning to 
be alone; but there isn’t a solitary spot on the place. 


(Biiy has entered in time to hear the last words.) 
Bitty. Oh, yes there is. 
Dawson. Where? 


Bitty. Whereverlam. They all dodge meas though I had the plague. 

Dawson.. That’s on account of Anita. 

Bituy (angry). Anita! I’d like to wring her neck! 

Dawson. You bloodthirsty young scoundrel! 

Bitty. s!hanks. I’m being appreciated today. But listen. If 
Valerie says the word, I’ll give Anita up to the Spaniard. He really 
did buy her, too, you know. 

Dawson (gasping). Bought her! When? Where? 

Bitty. Oh, over in Spain. At least, he thought he’d bought her, but 
I cut in and got her away from him. He has a fad for collecting 
them, you see. That’s why he’s chasing me about. 

Dawson. You young villain! 

Bitty. Anita is really a good one. Has a vocabulary of one hundred 
and eighty-seven words— 


29 


Dawson. Well, of all the abandoned ruffians—I shall see your Captian 
at once! 


Bitty. Oh, I’ve made it all right with him. He quite approves. 


Dawson. Approves! 


Bitty. Why not? I came by her hcnestly. I treat her well. She’s 
here in the Club-house now. 


Dawson. Dreadful! Ill get an officer and go to her rescue. 

Bitty. Better let her alone.» She’s rather ugly and will call you names. 
Dawson. This is outragecus! I shall go for her at once. 

(He starts away.) 


Bitty (calling after him). Oh, Mr. Dawson! She bites! (Dawson 
exits.) I can see his finish 1f he goes monkeying with Anita. 


(Enter VALERIE, her face covered with her manitilla.) 


VALERIE (with a foreign accent). Sir, I am looking for a young man 
named— Billee. 3 


Biuiy (taking hold of her mantilla). And I am looking for a young lady 
named—Valerie! (He throws back the mantilla). Did you think 
you could fool me? I’d know your voice if I heard it in—er—in— 


VALERIE. In Spain? Where the “Anitas” come from? 
Bitty. Oh, bother Anita! 
VALERIE. With all my heart; she has been bothering us all day. 


Bitty. Well, then, I’m going to bring Anita here and—she’ll explain 
everything. 


VALERIE. Good; if she can do that, you and I will be friends again. 
Bitty. It means a lot to a sailor to have friends ashore. 
VALERIE. I suppose you have friends in every foreign port. 


Bitty. Yes, but they aren’t like the friends at home. Just think of 
being onthe other side of the earth and then getting the word that 
we are squaring away for the U. S. A! Hurrah! 


VALERIE. Homeward bound! WHurrah! 


0 


Loe) 


No. 12. .Sonc: Homeward Bound. 


(VALERIE AND BILLy.) 
Dili 
Swing the capstain round and round; 


VALERIE. 
Heave away, my hearties! 


BILty. 
Fair away and homeward bound, 


VALERIE. 
Heave away, my hearties! 


BILLy. 


The ship is trim, and the hatches fast, 
We're off for home again! 


VALERIE. 
There’s a lass a-waving on the pier— 
§ 


BILLY: 
Good-bye to you, my Betsy dear, 
We're off for home again! 


Boru. ® 


We’re off for home again, 
And soon we’ll see the shores of fair Columbia! 


BILLY AND VALERIE. 


So it’s one, two, three, 

We are off to sea, 

And the wind is a-piping fair and free; 
Good-bye, my lass, and dry your eye, 
For we'll be back to you by and by! 
Oh, the tropic shores 

Of the gay Azores, 

Is a place that the sailor boy adores, 
But he’ll be true 

To his own land too, 

For that is the way on the ocean blue! 


(During this refrain, an octet of Mipp1rs and Mans have entered and the 
refrain 1s repeated by all.) 
M4 
VALERIE. 
Here’s to me and here’s to you; 


31 


BILty. 
Heave away, my hearties! 
VALERIE. 
Jack’s a boy that’s always true, 
BILLY: 
Heave away, my hearties! 


VALERIE. 
His hand is rough but his heart is soft, 
He loves his native land; 
BILty. 
Oh, the ocean free is home to me— 


VALERIE. 
But ev’ry port is good to see, 
Hurrah! for ev’ry land! 
Bots. 
Hurrah! for ev’ry land! 
And one good extra cheer for fair Columbia! 

(Repeat refrain as before. Sazlor’s Hornpipe by VaLERiE and Bitty, 
in which all join on the repeat, and exeunt. Enter Evans and Fitz 
from L. and Surmmson. from R. Suimson carries a ukelele.) 

Stimson. Well, I’m ready. 


Evans. Ready for what? 


Sytimson. Ready to play. (He displays the ukelele.) 1 borrowed this 
from the cook. 


Evans. All right. (He leads Suimson to the door, R.) You wait 
right out there. We'll let you know when we want you. 


SLIMSON (anxiously). But when do you think you’ll want me? 


Evans. Ah, my boy, that’s one of the things you never can be sure 
of in amateur vaudeville. 


(Evans pushes Stimson off. Voices and laughter are heard. Enter 
Mrs. Gaity, Firz, DasHER, Dawson, Auice, Maup and PuI.us, 
together with the Maips, Mippies and Younc Men. All are grouped 
about the stage, some seated, others standing at the sides leaving the 
stage and C. entrance clear.) 


Maun (haughtily to Evans). We are willing to overlook your rudeness _ 
and do our sketch, if you insist. 


32 


Evans. The dungeon sketch? We don’t insist. 
Maup. ‘The dungeon isn’t absolutely necessary. A cave would do. 


Evans. I’m sorry, Miss Maud, but we haven’t a cave in the house. 
Some other time, perhaps— : 


Autce. Never mind, Maud; it’s their loss. (To Evans.) I suppose 


there’s no objection to our remaining for your so-called entertain- 
ment? 


Evans. Delighted. It’s just beginning. (He addresses the company.) 
Ladies and gentlemen, I invite your attention— 


(All begin an animated conversation, their voices increasing in volume.) 
Evans is exasperated.) 


(He speaks loudly). Ladies and gentlemen! (The talking ceases.) 
Please! You might, at least, save your conversation till the music 
begins! 


(Introduction for the next number. Enter CHILDREN oF THE SNow.) 


No. 13. CHorus AND DaNceE: Children of the Snow. 


(OcTET oF GtRLs.) 


When up in the winter sky 

Snowy little, blowy little snow-flakes fly 
When Jack Frost, with merry wit, 
Nips your little nose a little bit, 

Then we put our mittens on, 

Merry little, cheery little snow-bells don, 
Skip and lark with dance and eels 
Happy as the day is long. 


Refrain. 
Chink-a, Chink-a, 


Pillie-willie-wink-a, 

Children of the Snow, 
We mark the time 
With a silver chime, 

When the stormy winds do blow. 
Chink-a, chink-a, 
Pillie-willie-wink- -a, 

Children of the Show, 

We dance and sing 
Like anything, 
When the stormy winds do blow! 


a3 


a1. 


Timid ones their houses keep, 
Shivering and quivering and half asleep; 
While the frosty music swells, 
Ringle and the jingle of the bells. 
But the Children of the Snow 
Never mind the winter wind we’d have you know; 
Skip and lark with dance and song, 
Happy as the day is long! 


(Refrain repeated as before; Dance and exeunt. SiiMson enters from R.) 
Surmson. Well, I’m ready. 
Evans. Ready for what? 
Suimson. Ready to play. 


Evans. Oh, yes, of course. (He leads Siimson to exit, R.) You stay 
right out there and we’ll let you know when we're ready. 


(Evans pushes Surmson off as before. Introduction for next number. 
Enter Liserty BatTTation.) 


No. 14. Marcuinc Sonc: The Flag. 


(The Battalion marches on in military formation and during the song 
engages in march movements. Each singer 1s equipped with an Amert- 


can flag.) 


LIBERTY BATTALION. 


We love the flags that are flying free, 

The Union Jack and Colors Three, 

The emblem of Italia’s pride 

That floats in beauty by their side; 

But dear to all is the banner brave, 

That first to us our freedom gave: 

The Stars and Stripes—long may they wave, 
All glorious evermore! 


Refrain. 
Where’er Old Glory flies 


Freedom lives and never dies; 

Beneath her folds forever dwells 
Sweet Liberty. 

And cheer, oh, comrades cheer, 

Cheer again those colors dear, 

The starry Flag that waves 
For you and me! 


34 


id 


Lis 


The stripes of red are for courage strong, 

Its white is pure, unstained by wrong, 

Its blue is blue as skies above, 

And ev’ry star we dearly love. 

This banner proud of the brave and free 

Shall ever stand for Right’s decree, 

Has ever been and still shall be 

All glorious evermore! 
(All repeat refrain; Liberty Battalion exeunt. Enter Sutmson. He 

does not get a chance to speak, as Evans again pushes him off, R. 
DasHER rises and looks at his watch.) 


DasHER (to Mrs. Gaity). Nearly twelve. We have a pleasant cus- 
tom at sea, when midnight—aw—overtakes us at any social func- 


tion in the—aw—mess-room, of pledging—aw—‘‘Sweethearts and 
Wives.” 


Mrs. Gaity. How gallant! Why not pledge them now? 
DasHer. We will! Eh, my lads? 

Mippres. Ay, ay, sir! ‘Sweethearts and Wives!” 
Omnes. ‘Sweethearts and Wives!” 


No. 15. SONG AND CHORUS: Sweethearts and Wives. 


(DasHER, MippiEs AnD CHORUS.) 
DasHER. 

The sailor may travel to distant lands 
As on his way he goes; 

The wonders are many on foreign strands, 
As ev'ry traveler knows. 

But deep in his rugged and briny heart 
The sailor somehow contrives 

To keep a warm little spot apart 
For Sweethearts and Wives! 


Refrain. 
DaSsHER. 


Oh, the mess-lights glow 
In the watch below, 

As the witching hour arrives; 
Each fond heart swells 
As it strikes eight bells— 


(Pause: 8 bells strikes.) 
And we pledge “‘Sweethearts and Wives!” 
(MippIiEs repeat.) 


a5 


Il. 
DasHER. 


I’ve none of your graces and airs polite, 
My calling is on the sea; 

The mode and the style of the carpet-knight 
You never will find in me. . 

But whether off this or the Barbary coast, 
The custom with us survives, 

When midnight sounds to propose the toast: 
To “Sweethearts and Wives!” 


(Refrain repeated by all, who, at the close of the song, resume their seats.) 


NOTE: More special features can be here introduced, if desired. + 
(When the “specialties” are over, the Count enters still excited.) 

Count. Where is zat Billee? 

Dawson. Haven’t I heard that before? 


Count. I want to make of heem ze fr-r-r-ragments! I am a tiger! 


(He walks back and forth excitedly.) 

Dawson. You are a nuisance! 

Count. I will have ze Billee! 

(Bitty and VALERIE enter, C.) 

Bitty. All right, here he is. 

Count. At last! Where is my Anita? 

VateRIE. Be calm, Count. Billy will explain about Anita. 


Bitty. I have sent for her; she shall explain for herself. (He goes 
toward the exit, R.) She ought to be here now. (Attendant enters 
and whispers to Bitty.) Good! She’s here. 


(He runs off, followed by Attendant.) 


VaLeRIE. We have all misjudged Billy. He is going to give up Anita 
to the Count. 


Count. Yes, yes, but where is she? 


Voice or Parror (of). Pretty Poll! Pretty Poll! Polly put the 
kettle on! Get out with your crackers! Polly wants an auto! 


Count. Anita! I know ze voice! 


(BILLY enters with a Parrot.) 


Bitty (to Count). Here take your Anita. She just took a bite out 
of my finger. (Puts the Parrot in Count’s hands.) Ive gone out 
of the bird business. 


pe Es 


. VALERIE. And all this comes of “Half a day ashore.’ 
No. 16. FINALE: Blow, Winds, Blow! 


OMNES. 


Blow, winds, blow, 

As you never have blown before: 
And blow us (them) straight 
To the maids that wait 

For the Middies to come ashore! 


(Repeat till curtain.) 


END OF OPERETTA 


37 


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